>>10171You're brain is probably gaslighting yourself into believing you're one due to the proship vs. antiship moralfagging crap. Most of my advice is just a repeat of what others have stated, but it would be best for you to stop interacting with that content for a while and fill your head with something else you enjoy just as passionately. Then, maybe after a year or so, try to reflect on yourself and see how you feel.
The vtuber space (especially hololive) is filled with pedo crap (surprisingly from both genders but still dominantly male) and has a lot of mentally ill fans. Most of the corpo male vtubers are pretty normal (stop watching Flayon!!!!)
If you still feel like this, it might be best to seek professional help. I know it's scary, but it's better than hurting a child.