/ot/ - Off-Topic

I feel like shota art is making me a p*dophile. It all started with some Holostars EN fan art on /vt/.
I think I may need to pivot my obsessions to something else…

>>10168
Pretty much everyone on tiktok seems like they're passive aggressive in every post kek.
>>10171
Probably not the best imageboard since we're fine with shota here kek.

>>10171
>>10172
If it's giving someone intrusive thoughts they should stop engaging with it. That's not saying all fans are bad people, it's just engaging with media responsibly and I respect nonnas self-awareness.

>>10173
Maybe I should just hyperfixate on some yume media like Love And Deepspace instead.

You ever realize something you used to love is just poorly written? I feel bad going back to older fanworks I love because I'm too cynical now and I'm mentally shitting on something probably written by a high schooler.

>>10174
I would never wish a gacha upon another, can I interest you in JoJo? Exact opposite and maybe by the time you're caught up Steel Ball Kino will have an adaptation.

>>10171
Are you having intrusive thoughts about real children that you find disgusting? If that’s the case, you might wanna see a general psychiatrist or a licensed ocd specialist if possible. I used to have violent intrusive thoughts and while I was never diagnosed with ocd (I never mentioned those specific thoughts to my therapist), I was diagnosed with depression because I did mention the suicidal thoughts and was given an ssri. I haven’t had any intrusive thoughts for a while now and I’m off that ssri.

>>10171
You're brain is probably gaslighting yourself into believing you're one due to the proship vs. antiship moralfagging crap. Most of my advice is just a repeat of what others have stated, but it would be best for you to stop interacting with that content for a while and fill your head with something else you enjoy just as passionately. Then, maybe after a year or so, try to reflect on yourself and see how you feel.
The vtuber space (especially hololive) is filled with pedo crap (surprisingly from both genders but still dominantly male) and has a lot of mentally ill fans. Most of the corpo male vtubers are pretty normal (stop watching Flayon!!!!)

If you still feel like this, it might be best to seek professional help. I know it's scary, but it's better than hurting a child.

I feel so unmotivated right now, not sure how to make life fun again.

I've unironically done yaoi rp with my boyfriend

>>10417
Was it fulfilling? I imagine it'd just be awkward. I've done yaoi RP online but I don't think it'd be fun IRL.

>>10419
It was [spoiler]the hottest thing I ever experienced[/spoiler] and I hate that I'm into it

>>10417
I've seen this image dozens of times against my will, and I just now realized she's wearing a Homestuck shirt in the first image…

I think I drip fed myself into enjoying muscles.

I bought a dakimakura last month and it showed up today. I was a bit nervous and embarrassed putting it together even though I specifically got one that was sfw. It's one of those things that I always felt like I needed to be a true anime fan, but now there's a bit of shame and buyers regret like "how pathetic is that?" idk, it's at least going to be comfortable to sleep with, I just never feel like this buying figures or doujin, not sure why I feel so weird about this.

>>10462
>I just never feel like this buying figures or doujin, not sure why I feel so weird about this.
Which character did you get?
It's probably because of the main reason and stereotype that male otaku buy them as jerk off material.
If it's a character that you like, I don't see why you should feel ashamed. Maybe think of him as the protector of your dreams and well rest when you go to sleep kek

There's only one daki cover I would ever consider getting but since I can't get his boyfriend's equivalent (since he's an eroge protagonist and the character I'm talking about was lucky/popular enough to get that one) I don't think I'll ever buy it… Plus the daki is like 10+ years old.
That doesn't stop me from dreaming and wondering about 'what if I bought it' scenarios every time I see a listing. Maybe one day I'll take the chance and buy it as a curtain kek

>>10463
It's not official, but I got one of Adachi, it was a late-night impulse buy when the new P4 remake trailer dropped, it was like "fuck it I've liked this character and game for a decade I'm getting one." It's not even a bedsheet style one I just got a piece of fanart that cropped well on the pillow, haha.

I suppose the stereotypical male otaku jack-off material angle is true. With doujinshi you always have the mental image of both sexes enjoying them, whereas body pillows are very male dominated even though plenty of series aimed at women have official ones. We'll see if the buyer regret wears off after a bit.

>There's only one daki cover I would ever consider getting but since I can't get his boyfriend's equivalent… I don't think I'll ever buy it
Do you ship him with Riki?

I always think it's weird that so many random series just have official dakimakura. Ososan, Yowpeda, TTGL, Black Butler, the list goes on. It's one of those things that you associate with being sexual, like you said, so when non-ero series get merch like that it's weird.

>>10462
>>10463
Yeah, I've considered buying one before of a male character I really like but in my mind it has a connotation that made me stop and question if it was too much of a Yume thing to buy a daki of a guy, moreso than buying a plush or keychain of him.

>>10463
>>10464
Why do you even care about gender demographics when both of these series are aimed at men anyway? What man is even buying anime boy body pillows? Its weird how everyone here has this hate boner for male otaku and doesnt want to be compared to them, instead of just enjoying shit.
Like damn grow up.

>>10486
I'm not allowed to admit to feeling weird about my 3AM impulse buy in the confession thread? I didn't say male otaku bad, I just agree with nonna it might be a factor in why I feeling weird about buying this but not figures or other merchandise, you're misreading my post most of what I read is seinen it's not a matter of not wanting to be near ugly male otaku lol.

>judgement free zone
>get insulted for likeing certain ships or character
>literally every site
Honestly don't even know why I still try to be into greater fandom, writing into a void is more fun than getting hatemail on a fic.

I was thinking back about Gankutsuou today, and remembered that my first experience with The Count of Monte Cristo was the 2002 movie that changed Albert into being The Count's son
SO when I watched Gankutsuou for the first time some years later with that knowledge in mind and saw the homoeroticism between them… um… it seemed so wrong but so right…
But then Albert looked a lot his dad in the anime and I read up more about the original story and how Albert and The Count were unrelated and had a mix of relief and disappointment
Still a pretty good grooming ship though

>>10561
Would you recommend it to someone completely unfamiliar with the original story? It has such a pretty art style, but I know literally nothing about the classic so I have always wondered if it'd be better if I read the novel first.

>>10562
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
Although Gankutsuou kicks off a decent way into the original story, I think the change in setting and the way it's structured is great for people that don't know the classic
I loved the 2002 movie I saw with all its changes, so I don't imagine Gankutsuou would be any less great without reading the original
I wouldn't stop you from reading it though, it's one of those classics that's actually worth reading in the modern age

>>10563
I think I'll start it next then! Maybe it will inspire me to read the novel afterwards. Expect an update in the anime thread in a few days.

>>10561
Oh yeah I remember this movie. My sister loved it because she's a huge fan of the dead wife trope (that I hate so much). I wanted to get into it because of the boy's relationship with the Count and his best friend.
But then I learned he had a love interest and never did watch it.

>>10569
If I recall correctly in the original French serial Albert's love interest runs from the mess by crossdressing as a man and is later found in bed with another woman. Most English editions omit this because the earlier sanitized translations are the ones out of copyright and free to reprint.

I started smoking recently after doing so on a trip out the country. It sucks because smoking is seen as socially cringe in my age cohort but it's genuinely one of the few things that gets me off my phone and feeling grounded. I'm well aware of the health risk but fuck, society's already fucking me in the ass I really don't care right now lmao. I should try mediating or lighting incense outside or something.

>>10417
Me too, in fact my bf encouraged it, but I don't even like talking during sex when it's normal, so I don't really get anything out of it. Maybe if I got over myself, but my sex drive is also scarily low so it's just hard for me to get exited in general

>>10730
Your bf encouraged yaoi rp? Are you dating a fudan or something?

>>10731
Nope I just talk alot about the fanfic I like and he likes me so! He's also bisexual but he's only seemed to fully realize that recently. I don't actually think that's a factor much either, I'm pretty sure it's just that he wanta me to enjoy myself haha

>>10729
What a coincidence anon, I also picked up smoking recently after a trip. But I'm thinking of quitting because it's not that fun when you do it by yourself. I like smoking when I'm with friends, we stand in a circle and talk about whatever bullshit while smoking. It feels like a fun little ritual, passing the lighter around and trying the different brands that each person smokes. In contrast, smoking by yourself feels like day drinking kek it makes me feel depressed and lonely.

>>10738
Wow hope you had a nice trip! Yeah I wish I had that social aspect too. I started only because a girl at a bar smoked with me and gave me a pack of cigarettes. It was great just chilling in front of the bar. I like just sitting around chatting with my friends it seems like it would be a nice addition but I would unironically get clowned on for it.

>In contrast, smoking by yourself feels like day drinking kek it makes me feel depressed and lonely.
Yeah I can understand that that's why I only smoke once a day at night. Anymore makes me feel like an addict. I also resist the urges to do it in front of family or friends. Feels more like a ritual rather than reacting to some immediate craving.

>>10739
>I would unironically get clowned on for it.
I was going to say 'wow, what terrible friends!' But then I realised that I also would have clowned on you up until very recently kek smoking is bad for you! You have good friends anon!

Can somebody fucking tell me who was in the wrong here? I'm so fucking tired to deal with people more mentally ill than me jesus man.
Basically, I have two friends, Friend 1 and Friend 2. I've had a lot of problems with Friend 2 since last year.
Last year, I used to be pretty depressed, and I'd vent to Friend 2 about my feelings or feeling insecure if we weren't friends, etc. It did bother her a bit and after a while, she ghosted me completely (blocking me and deleting her discord, but still following me on twitter on TWO accounts). I did feel pretty hurt by this because she never even explained to me anything, and whenever I wanted to know even from other friends, she wouldn't say.
I understood if I had hurt her at some point and simply gave her her space. This was around October last year.
Despite not talking to me and blocking me and ghosting me, she still followed my twitter and even would like some posts from time to time.
During January of this year, Friend 1 came back online (she disappears a lot without warning and has no other presence otherwise) and I was happy to see her and said hi, we talked for a bit and everything was fine. But as soon as Friend 2 knew I talked to Friend 1, she blocked me. (Friend 1 is her girlfriend).
Despite knowing that Friend 1 is Friend 2's girlfriend, I never brought the drama between me and her and just talked to her normally because she's still my friend regardless of Friend 2 and I met her before even Friend 2 ever had an account.
I was very upset and hurt by this, but Friend 2 still refused to talk to me or even explain why.
Until one day, she exploded on twitter basically telling me to shut up and that I don't let people be, why are you upset that I'm mad at you, blahblah, never explaining and just dogpiling on me. I just simply said "Why can't you just leave me in peace? You said you want nothing to do with me and no drama and then post this to your followers instead of even telling me on DM anything".
Things dwindled down, she deleted her posts and I did mine, assuming that the "we'll never have to do anything to do with each other again" thing was in effect and I tried my best to just let it be I guess.
By the way, she still never unfollowed me in her second acc.

>>10771
>message too long
damn it
anyway, cue to somewhere in June, she messaged me in her second acc, when I made a tweet saying "I miss Friend 1. I know Friend 2 doesn't like me but I still wonder how Friend 1 is doing" and for the first time in months she actually bothered to DM me simply saying "don't mention friend 1, I want nothing to do with you but stop mentioning her" and I simply said that I just missed my friend, who disappeared again for 6 months at the time??? Weirdly enough, she was willing to talk for a short period and idk what happened in the middle of the conversation that she went "ok, the past is the past and I'm glad things are different now" and I said I apologized if I treated her badly in the past and she said thank you and SEEMINGLY we made up.
And now in August, I simply said again that I missed Friend 1 because during these months is when I met her and she seems to have pretty much gone without a trace with nobody knowing where she is. I never mentioned Friend 2 or anything, simply "I hope Friend 1 is okay" and now Friend 2 blocked me on the second account.
And I'm just at a loss at whatever the fuck is going through Friend 2's head anymore. I always notice she gets unreasonably angry when it concerns Friend 1 but I have always treated Friend 1 normally, never had any problems with her, we didn't talk much because of her constant disappearances even when we met but we still hung out reasonably together.
Friend 1 once told me a long time ago, that Friend 2 always got upset at her whenever she saw her socializing. She had to make alt accs to talk to other people away from Friend 2's knowledge and told me to never say anything about that, and I never did. Even if it were a gotcha towards Friend 2, I have never mentioned this because I worry about Friend 1 if she's the type of controlling unstable lesbian gf.
At this point I'm just so fed up with Friend 2 and I really only care about Friend 1's well being but the only person in contact with Friend 1 is Friend 2 and she just fucking hates me I guess??? For worrying about someone I haven't talked to in eight fucking months.
Friend 2 also always acts fake nice with other people but in reality she doesn't really talk to anyone "deeply". She's like the type of person that is entirely fandom-driven and doesn't want anyone to know her, but she's still willing to post messages of support for other people even when they are vent posts but just has a vendetta against me

>>10771
>>10772
everyone in this situation sounds obnoxious and unwell.

>>10771
>>10772

It sounds like you need to let BOTH these people go, and stop posting on twitter about it.

>>10772
Hm. If you were following someone on Twitter, and they made a tweet saying, "I know (OP) doesn't like me, but I wonder how (OP)'s girlfriend is doing," wouldn't that set you off? Just from being mentioned at all? There might also be drama behind the scenes in their relationship that you don't know about, even outside of the socializing thing. Better to disengage entirely imo.

>>10774
>>10773
I know that I should've just let it go, but I still find incomprehensible how it just happened overnight and I guess I'm insistent in trying to figure out what's wrong to no avail and things getting worse.

>>10775
The thing is that Friend 1 had simply been my friend long before I ever even knew they were in any relationship, so I simply cared about her as being my friend without caring whether they're girlfriends or not.

>>10776
Just wait until Friend 1 comes around on her own again, and accept that Friend 2 is too volatile to interact with. I would not try to fix things with Friend 2 considering she seems to hate you for whatever reason and has her own issues to sort through.

>>10772
>>10771
I'm not sure I followed the whole story very well but do you know both friends irl?

>>10771
>>10772
Let me get this straight: you gave Friend 2 literally months of space, and the moment you said a single thing they publicly acted like you'd been hounding them? So everyone would get the wrong impression about your behavior? Someone who does that is quite likely the kind of storyteller who exaggerates and makes shit up about you behind your back to justify their feelings (eg. "she did this because she must know [thing you had no way of knowing]! It was deliberate!"). It's a whole lot of injustice done to you, and that shit feels awful especially when they refuse to explain anything, but ultimately the only way to not look like a mess is to continue keeping a distance and let them be the one who flips out in front of everyone.

Like the other nona says, it's up to Friend 1 to come to you now. I'd add that you have tried what you can, and the burden is no longer on you. She's an adult and the responsibility of maintaining her friendships is hers too. If Friend 2 has said anything of your messages to her, then she at least knows you're still interested in staying friends. However, if Friend 2 is the kind of talk shit, continuing to reach out or argue anything will just be ammo for her to paint you in a bad light regardless of how sensible your responses are.

These stupid things happen, and there is a chance you'll lose your friends forever because of it, but in this moment I'd prioritize not making it blow up in your face any more than it has. Losing a friendship hurts, but it'll hurt less if you step back and tell yourself there's no right way to fix it right now. Trust that Friend 1 might come back in her own time, and that maybe, just maybe, Friend 2 will look back at this incident and blurt out what her actual issue was. I mean, fuck, you already waited for them before, you tried talking it out, they were and are not ready for negotiation. Nothing you can presently do so try not to blame yourself.

My libido is making me so unproductive. One suggestive comment or if I see anything sexually suggestive and I am day dreaming in lust for hours. I envy those with low sex drives.

>>10789
Ugh, I'm going through a dry spell now so I miss daydreaming about a special m/m pair. Its always so nice and blissful my heart feels content.
Right now I feel dead inside.

>>10789
Nonna, me too…I sometimes think about men's bodies too much I wished I was asexual. At least then I can get some shit done than spend my days thinking about gay shit and muscles.

I don't want to go to work today. I've been at home for days, I've slacked off the whole time because there's barely anything to do and I've been doing unrelated things instead.

i feel like everyone in this fandom hates me which makes it very lonely

>>10808
I've never been very active in fandom outside of making my own stuff, and every time I try to get more involved I feel like the oldest person in a room of toddlers. It's just demoralizing to actually try to interact with people and so much infighting.

>>10809
ayrt shockingly even in the tiny fandom i'm in, we all seem to be around the same age afaik (at least older than early 20s) and still there's drama. i want to keep making stuff but interaction is important and it feels demoralizing to feel like that is cut off

>>10790
During my last dry spell I did think about how it feels like I am either unsatisfied or insatiable and there is no balanced state between the two. If it wasn't for the internet I would be making terrible life decisions.