So, right now I am dating a guy. I wanted an outside perspective because I don't want to talk to friends and have them see things wrong. I think you guys would have a better perspective as unbiased strangers. He and I have been dating for a year now, and h

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Am I being dramatic? Anonymous 02/12/26 (Thu) 17:44:38 No.12901

So, right now I am dating a guy. I wanted an outside perspective because I don't want to talk to friends and have them see things wrong. I think you guys would have a better perspective as unbiased strangers. He and I have been dating for a year now, and he's generally been very sweet. He never insults me and always uplifts me as being bright and pretty (I'm generally very insecure so I never believe it, but it's still nice of him). He's funny, smart, and usually calm.

However, recently he's been very strange. The earliest strangeness I can remember is that I was standing on the balcony and a deliveryman walked by and I said "Hey, hope your day is going okay" and the deliveryman thanked me and continued on. My boyfriend was also standing there and when the guy walked off, he grabbed me by my crotch (which was kind of painful, but I know he was doing it jokingly) and looked annoyed. I asked him if it was because I said hi to the deliveryman, and he said no. Okay.

I had a night class, and early on a male student offered to walk me to my car and I let him. The student was at least five years younger and probably gay, but from then on my boyfriend insisted on dropping me off and picking me up to look after me.

Moving on, some time later we went to one of my favorite stores and I showed him around. Earlier I had stopped by alone to see if they were hiring, and introduced myself to the young cashier guy. I've applied a bunch over the years with them and usually it was old men working, so when my boyfriend asked about it I told him it was mostly old men. When we went, the worker remembered my name and I remembered his and asked about the application. When we left, my boyfriend accused me of flirting and then we had an argument. I wasn't flirting, all I did was behave politely and smile. But, he says even just being nice is flirting.

Anonymous 02/12/26 (Thu) 17:51:40 No.12902

>>12901
He said I lied about how old the workers at the shop were, but I promise I didn't. I just had never seen that new worker before that day I applied and didn't think to include him when I was telling my boyfriend. I know that sounds like I was lying by omission, but I really wasn't.

He's always liked my clothing, but lately he picks at every outfit and says it's too revealing, even though I wear stockings with all of my dresses, none of which that display cleavage (my chest is too small to make cleavage anyway rip). Even when I wear jeans, he says they're too tight. I stopped wearing yoga pants because I could agree that they can be kind of revealing.

Anyway he hasn't been very nice lately, I guess. Seems like I'm always doing something wrong. He's my second boyfriend, and 10+ years older than me (I'm 26). I've always thought age gap relationships generally don't work, but he was a very relaxed guy and I decided to give it a try. It's just strange to watch someone so nice twist into someone so mean. He was always so calm and now it seems like everything irritates him…

Oh, and we agreed early on that people shouldn't club without their partners early on. But now if I want to hang out alone ANYWHERE he gets angry at me. I wanted to go to a museum alone and that annoyed him. A film, that annoyed him. I went to an open mic with a girl buddy at a bar, and I guess that's iffy, but all I did was sit and have a drink with her. I guess if I was reading all this crap I'd tell myself 1. I probably am the problem and 2. Even if I'm not the problem it's probably not a match. Which sucks, he used to be really great.

Blog over. Thoughts?

Anonymous 02/12/26 (Thu) 18:05:11 No.12903

>>12902
He's 36 acting 18. Either talk with him about this "my gf interacting with other men must mean she is cheating" brainworm he's gotten from what was probably some dumbass manosphere post (check his Twitter/YouTube/social media likes and internet history) or secure housing elsewhere and then dump him.

Anonymous 02/12/26 (Thu) 20:55:03 No.12905

>>12902
Dump his ass

Anonymous 02/12/26 (Thu) 21:32:43 No.12906

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>>12902
Nonnie, guys who date younger partners tend to do it for a reason. Few women in their late 30s will put up with that kind of controlling behavior, and you shouldn't either. Nothing you've described doing warrants how he's reacting. It shows that he has no trust in you, which to me would mean the relationship is OVER. A year is nothing in the grand scheme of things, so it sounds like he's just finally dropping the mask now that he feels like you won't leave him.

Anonymous 02/12/26 (Thu) 21:34:20 No.12907

>>12902
Dump him wtf

Anonymous 02/12/26 (Thu) 22:02:17 No.12908

>>12902
I think you should be open about the fact that you are annoyed and struggling right now. How commited are you to making this work? If it's only been a year and you have been in a prior relationship you probably know when it's best to call it.

I don't think the clingly attitude is nessiarily a red flag (I am clingy as well) but the idea of him being controlling over stuff like wardrobes is. Just be frank with him. If it's a moodswing he might be going through something as well, so if you feel comfortable I'd point blank bring it up.

Anonymous 02/12/26 (Thu) 22:19:05 No.12910

Thoughts in order of appearance:
1. Don't count on men changing, even less after 30, dump him
2. Maybe that's a little mean
3. Eh fuck it, dump him

Anonymous 02/12/26 (Thu) 23:20:18 No.12911

I hope this is copypasta

Anonymous 02/13/26 (Fri) 00:48:58 No.12912

>>12903
I've spoken to him in the past about it. He's traumatized from previous relationships where women have cheated and he's paranoid as a result. I can understand it but I wish he'd trust me. I do feel I'll probably have to break up with him, it's just hard.

>>12906
:( yeah. I know. I know the meme about older dudes taking advantage of younger women. He really was very sweet in the beginning. It's just a shame he's turned into such a jerk. It all feels a little surreal lately, because it's just a big cliche. I guess it probably is mask off.

>>12908
I'll try to talking to him again. I have before, but maybe I should try to be firmer.

>>12911
I hope I don't become one. I'm just venting.

Anonymous 02/13/26 (Fri) 04:06:32 No.12913

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>>12912
>He's traumatized from previous relationships where women have cheated and he's paranoid as a result
Oh hells no, moids with this hangup do not get better with time, and if you ask me, are more likely to become cheaters themselves that are either projecting or certain that you're a cheater too (not pro advice, but it's not unheard of)
It's a red flag for me, and although I don't like siding with cheaters it makes me wonder what's going on for a man to get cheated on MULTIPLE times
If this is the level of trust (something foundational in a relationship) after just one year of being nice, how might things be in five years? Ten? If you're together for life?
I won't say dump him immediately, but you should really key in on how he handles your talk about how he's acting and determine if it'll be downhill from here

Anonymous 02/13/26 (Fri) 10:20:54 No.12919

If he is that much of a lunatic then dump him, ultimately it's your decision, strangers on the internet don't know how your life is going to be.
>>12906
This whole psyop about younger men>>>older men is stupid since zoomers and younger men are just as likely if not more to be abusive and controlling.
I also don't consider age gaps pedophilia from the get go so i guess i am in the minority.

Anonymous 02/13/26 (Fri) 11:07:19 No.12920

>>12919
Do you even know what a psyop means? The stereotypical ideal relationship that's been pushed down people's throats for ages has always been older man with a younger woman. I don't even think dating a younger guy is that great but it's stupid to act like a notable majority is encouraging women to do this when it's literally the opposite.

Anonymous 02/13/26 (Fri) 11:18:52 No.12921

>>12913
>It's a red flag for me, and although I don't like siding with cheaters it makes me wonder what's going on for a man to get cheated on MULTIPLE times
I've tried asking. He said that it's because he thinks that's just the way dating is. I can never get him to explain what attracted him to those women in the first place to see if there was a pattern, I think it's too painful for him to sit down and sift through. It could be he is attracted to toxicity, or it's attracted to him. I don't feel that he would ever cheat, but he can be very mean with his accusations due to the paranoia. So. That sucks. He has a great personality otherwise. He bakes me cookies every time I see him.

>>12919
I'm only asking here because it's a small cozy place and I think saner than most other places on the Internet. Ironically enough. I don't think you have to know a person to judge a situation, in fact it helps if you don't. If I explained any of this you a friend they might fly off the handle and be dramatic, or just the opposite and refuse to assess the situation for fear of rocking the boat. Fellow fujos not caring about me as a person helps them to be more objective.

Also I'm not sure people against age gaps think it's pedophilia. I think it's more about what it means for an older man to chase a younger woman. That said here I am in the relationship so I guess I'm a hypocrite.

Anonymous 02/13/26 (Fri) 11:55:44 No.12922

>>12902
>He's my second boyfriend, and 10+ years older than me (I'm 26).
girl…

Also what you're describing is your moid developing signature cuck anxiety because he knows you can run off with a younger guy more appropriate for your age and it's only going to get worse from here. Run, I beg of you. If you're younger than 30, NEVER date a moid 10 years older than you. 28 and 32? That's fine. But 26 and 36? Never going to make it, never seen it work out. Men nearing their middle age crisis and decaying sperm will start being paranoid about their young girlfriend leaving them.

Anonymous 02/13/26 (Fri) 14:51:01 No.12927

>>12921
Girl bffr baking cookies is not a personality trait. His personality based on your anecdotes is a petty man who sees you as his property and has no respect for proper boundaries. The crotch grabbing is inexcusable. Have some self-respect and dump him already

Anonymous 02/13/26 (Fri) 14:58:35 No.12928

>>12922
Have you actually been in a relationship with a gap? My husband and I started dating when I was 23 and he was 31. If you're not a teenager and he's not a 60 year old pervert then once you're an adult the age difference literally doesn't matter, the issue here is specifically the man.

>>12913
>If this is the level of trust (something foundational in a relationship) after just one year of being nice, how might things be in five years? Ten? If you're together for life?
This if you don't see it getting better and already feel overwhelmed don't put yourself through it.

Anonymous 02/13/26 (Fri) 15:17:38 No.12929

>>12928
Also to add on to this, you should NEVER keep a relationship going assuming the man is going to change for the better, in the same way you should never assume that things are always going to be perfect in a good relationship. Rough patches exist but the core of the person doesn't.

Anonymous 02/21/26 (Sat) 22:21:34 No.13009

>>12928
>My husband and I started dating when I was 23 and he was 31.
How long have you two been married?

Anyway, OP here. I think I will break up with him. I just don't really know how to go about it without him getting incredibly upset. I dated my last boyfriend for years because every time I tried to leave he'd become inconsolable. I know that I'm a weak-willed person, ultimately. It really sucks with traits that are that deeply ingrained. A few more things have happened recently and every time I try to work out an issue he jokes that I'm going to leave him. It's very draining.